Every family has them. The slots you fit in, in your family. You're defined. And you spend your life being defined, and making the best, or the worst, or a middle-of the-road kind of grounding of it. Sometimes you forget you even have that definition inside, until you see family again, and are reminded.
In my family, my main slot was "she looks like her mother but she acts like her father". I had other slots, of course, but this one overwrote, or maybe underwrote, them all.
Privacy. Time to be alone with his thoughts. That was a major definition of my father. He wasn't a loner, but he needed his time alone. An ample amount of time to himself. And I was the same way; still am. I love the people I love, like the people I like, but I go crazy without my private time.
I mention this because when I write I like to be alone. I can be in a room full of strangers, if they're quiet, or with my husband or daughters, if they're not talking directly to me and I have my music going in my ears, my I-Tunes deal, to keep me separated. But when I really need to write in a deeper way, I need to be alone. No audience at all.
I drive my sweet husband nuts, because I can't just relax and 'let it be' at home sometimes. I have to be sequestered, to think. So...I'm going to the library, beginning this weekend. I'm working under a deadline I've given myself, to finish the edits on my novel. And I need to be alone.
I guess that's what I meant when I said I needed to listen to music. It's a mood enhancer - but it's also a separator. Right now, it's not enough - and I think it's because I'm nervous about finishing.
How about you all? Anybody else a privacy hound?
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Private Time
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27 comments:
It is of course easier to write when your family is not around simply because there is so much of life to live with them. But when I isolate myself I am very productive. I like the library and my local bookstores for writing for this reason. and I love the family pic! Just too sweet!
I wouldn't call myself a privacy hound, but I do need decompression time. My "alone" time is on the train on commute days, and from 5 to 7 a.m. on work-at-home days. But other than some journaling and blogging, I rarely get writing done in those times. Those are decompression times.
Writing tends to happen in stolen half-hours during the workday or late at night after the kids are in bed.
I can smell a mood at a hundred yards and try my hardest to avoid anyone selfish enough to be hosting one.
Moods are like vampires and viruses and refuse sacks full of sick combined — they drain you of life, infect you and make you ill.
Truth be told, I'm private to the point of being a hermit — which is why, for me, this blogging lark is the equivalent of whipping off my skiddies and exposing myself to an invasive pan-globe video relay device.
Decompression Time — I like that. A moment when you can look at your own fingers and decide for yourself what shape they will be — neither rolled into a fist nor extended in all their limp clamminess.
Music?
Some new bearded genius-suicide-to-be twangs and warbles on the radio — so I flip to the birdsong channel, mutter D'oh and open the window...
Shh.... I'm thinking.
I've always needed alone time. That's why, growing up in a two-bedroomed council flat where only one room was heated in winter, I learned to be alone in a crowd by getting lost in a book. I still read to escape.
I like to be alone when I'm writing too and at least these days that's usually possible.
I need the alone time too, and I usually have to get up early or stay up late to get it. Though I have learned to completely ignore my surroundings and retreat within myself almost on demand. It annoys the people trying to talk to me.
Alone time? I love alone time. I need, crave, desire, have to have alone time. And not just for writing. I need time where interacting with other human beings is not required. I need time where I can be socially unacceptable, where I don't have to mind my p's and q's and where I can do whatever without wondering if someone is wondering about what I'm doing. Time away from the public eye as it were.
I get some of it every morning after the girlfriend leaves for work. Since she leaves kind of late, I leave really late. I think I have to rethink this and maybe switch my alone time to the evenings except then it's take care of the dogs time and cook dinner time. *sigh*
One day I will have it all figured out - not!
Robin dear. Just read about your baby on CE's blog. I totally understand. Went through that 4 times in the past 2 years. It's never easy, but they all let me know when it was time.
Hey you all,
Yeah, El, I'm really hoping the library gives me the separation I need. It's quiet, and no one bothers you.
Pete,
I know what you mean - different kinds of writing depending on where you are and what's going on.
My brain is segregated that way as well.
WO-
I kind of assumed you're private - dodn't take it as far as hermit-y. Probably because you're so damn funny. The good thing about blogging is - you can stay all hermitted up, and still hang out.
Until I come over there this summer. Then you have to come out.
Right?
Paca,
What have you decided?
FHH,
Reading is a perfect way to do that - you're so right! I just can't write that way, is the problem. Can you write at home when others are around?
BT,
Sort of combining what you said with FHH's, I used to be able to immerse myself in a book so deeply that I couldn't hear anyone speaking to me. I got in trouble for that a lot when I was young.
Now- I wish I wasn't so split apart with to-do list crappolo, so I could do that again.
Sarah,
Thanks for what you said about my baby cat. We're still in a holding pattern..
And yeah - the pc stuff has to go away for me as well. At home I wear old sweats and ten year old clogs and big T-shirts. Really sexy stuff, baby. Oh, yeah.
I was 'the quiet one'. Then I got noisy and started globetrotting and now nobody quite knows where to slot me in. I'm still daft, though. Some things never change.
I need alone time. I thrive on it.
I'm usually in a room on my own when I write. I used to be in the same room as one or more sons as they played on their computers and I played on mine, and that was fine. But they've growed up and got laptops so these days I write all alone.
I crave privacy like I crave sleep.
I still get too little of either.
In beautiful Mexico I'm getting none of either and I'm growing ever closer to losing it.
Robin, do you really get to hang out with WO this summer? I'm jealous. And curious. I wonder if he makes as little sense in person? I'd be horribly disappointed if he was, I don't know, normal.
Hey McK,
I could see you being quiet- I remember reading what you said one time- about you always lying on your bed reading.
Hi there Miss FHH,
If they leave you alone, then good for you! I still have one after me to take her all over the place.
Hi Kiersten-
Oh, honey. I commisserate. Vacations sometimes make me nuts - togetherness osn't necssarily bliss! Go off for walks alone - see if that helps. We rented a house in Cornwall a few years ago -and I went out every day on a two or three hour walk along a coastal path. It was mindbendingly wonderful. And that's the main reason it was my favorite vacation that we've been on as a family!
Nah- I won't be seeing WO. I just tossed that out there for fun.
But Whirl- if you're reading - we'll be in Wales for a week, and then in Glastonbury for a couple of days. I'm just sayin'.
And there's Miss Hedgehog as well...
Would ya keep it down already?
Also, I love that picture! It's beautiful.
I'd love a three-hour walk. Beast Boy doesn't let me get that far, though ; )
I'm going to be taking some serious "me" time when this vacation is over.
Hey!
The last time the guys with the bug eyes and the spaceships tested me for normality, I registered a clear zzzzzt-GAR-brzzzzt.
Glastonbury is very pretty - I love the shops and the Chalice Well.
It doesn't sound like you'll be anywhere near Epsom, Robin, but if you do come this way you're welcome to pop in for a cup of tea.
Hey ril...
I can't keep it down, honey. Thought you already knew that!
Yeah, WO- That diagnosis sounds a little suspect, if you ask me!
Kiersten- you gotta take the walks baby-free. All alone. Or is that what you meant?
Hey there, Miss FHH,
Neat name for a town. I think of 'salts'. JB has just told me Epsom is famouse for the "Dahhhby".
Cool. Where I come from, we have one as well - named after yours, I'm guessing. We hicks just call it the "Durrr-bee".
I'm guessing you already figured out we're not going to be up that way, but thanks for saying.
By the way, if you saw the Chalice Well, you were very close to my sister-in-law's B&B. And we always pop in to the George & Pilgrim when we're there. What a wonderful pub.
Yes, Epsom is famous for the Derby (it was last weekend) and for Epsom salts. For us, it's just a nice place to live and I'm sorry your trip won't take you anywhere near here. How could you resist a cup of English tea?
I stayed in a B&B near Chalice Well; I wonder if it was your sister-in-law's. Probably not: there are a lot of B&Bs round that way.
PS My wedding anniversary is on Monday and I'll have been married to Mr Hedgehog for 29 years. So I'm usually Mrs Hedgehog (or Mrs FH, or just FH) rather than Miss Anything.
Not that it matters.
Hi there,
OK - simply FH from now on!
That would be fun if you stayed with my sister-in-law. At the foot of the hill known as The Tor?
I grew up in a house with 8 other people and 2 dogs - wherever you went there was a crowd. I was 18 and at college before I had a room of my own. It was chaotic and I don't think I ever had a sense of self till I left it. Now I have 3 kids and they have learned that Mama's bedroom is her "spot" - it's where I think, dream, sleep, chill out. I occasionally get invasions but it's the one place I can say "OK clear off - I'm having a quiet time." My husband is the one exception. Even when he's in the room he doesn't disturb me. In fact he's a calming influence. As for writing - I try to get it done while the kids are at school. Otherwise there's always someone hovering around me waiting for the computer or reading over my shoulder - which drives me spare!
I love Cornwall - one of my favourite places here. It reminds me of the west coast of Ireland (one of my favourite places there). Enjoy your time! - if you find yourself East Sussex-wards look me up!!
I can't remember now where I stayed, Robin. It was a long time ago now.
I was at the Sussex County Fair today, janeyv, but I think that's West not East Sussex. Still fairly local to you though, I guess.
Hi Janey-
Nice to see you! Yeah- the reading over the shoulder sucks the soul out of you. I can't have that, and have any kind of creativity.
And I agree- Cornwall is gorgeous.
Hadn't thought about it looking like the west coast of Ireland. Good thought there. A few years ago we flew into, well- whatever the city is on the west coast that handles international flights - and drove up to a town - hell- I can't remember the name of it, but the Allie River ran through it.
Gorgeous countryside.
Hi FH,
Oh, if it's been a while, it may not have been her. She's been there maybe 15 years. I've only known her for ten.
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