Photos of The Blondster in a fashion shoot today made me think about...

...when my world was small and I didn't know how to make it bigger for a lot longer than made sense if you happened to be a person on the outside, watching - because it isn't only money that opens worlds, is it? It's what you're taught and what you're told about where your boundary lines are drawn – and if they exist to hold you in – or to keep you safe until they let you go.

If you have what it takes to reach or exceed them; it’s not all about the Horatio Alger crap – smart striving getting you that brass ring you’d been dreaming all about – as far as I can tell, it’s hardly ever about that at all. I’m not saying it never works. I’m saying it works only rarely.

It's all a tangle, wrapped up as it is in what you believe you can do – because you’ve been allowed to believe it. Even when you don’t remember about those boundaries, they’re still out there, existing.

I truly believe this, and I’ve felt them, and they aren’t nice to feel, because they last a lifetime, long after you’ve found out about them, and you know about what they do.Most of the time I was writing my novel, I had to fight a voice I recognized from a long time ago, telling me in a hush whisper sound on repeat… You can’t do this. Who do you think you are, you can’t do this, who do you think you are…And I still feel that way, even though I'm a capable faker.

Freedom of choice, free will; that old playground is a bit of an illusion, when the choices you make are so much determined by your circumstances of birth, and I don’t mean exactly money – I mean, in how you are loved. And I mean by that – in what way you are loved; or not. If you’ve been held close to the vest to fulfill the needs of a parent, of what they want for you so they can have it themselves, in an enclosed environment - or if you’ve been held close and loved but allowed to envision open travel and an open vision of what you can do in the world. You have to be very much cognizant of who you are, and how you ended up that way, to stand on your own when you've been taught not to.

I want my girls to have open choices – to work for what they want, of course, to try and succeed on their own, but to have choices, and not feel that they have to be attached to me to be well, to be all right.

I’ve been thinking about this all day, ever since I received pictures of a photo shoot The Blondster was in today, in England. JB flew over with her a few days ago – they spent time with our wonderful family in Somerset (those of you who’ve met Jan, you know what I mean), and today Ms. Blondster modeled dresses designed in silk and woven precious metals that look so soft, it’s hard to believe the metals aren’t exquisite spun yarns – the gorgeous silks designed by Jan and the woven metals by her daughter, my niece, Rachel.

So, we’ve been working to give the girls this open feeling to where they can go with themselves, and it sure as hell isn’t easy, but Sky Miles sure help, and having a step-dad who's willing to go the extra mile with those puppies, to help Ms. Blondster reach out and grab for some good and different stuff, and to have a family waiting there with open arms and a happy request for help showcasing the gorgeous clothing and jewelry that caught the attention of one of the best fashion photographers in England, who came into Jan and Rachel’s shop one day some weeks ago, saw one of the dresses on a mannequin and said I have to photograph this.

So she did.

Here: http://charltonhouse.com

Here’s a snap Jan took of the shoot-in-progress at one stage:



Damn. I wish I’d been there. But more than that, I’m so, so very happy The Blondster was.