Loosely connected from the feet up. Or the head down. Easily irritated. Fussy.
Halfway pissed off, and halfway sad. I feel like a funeral should've taken place, but it didn't, and here I sit, out in the wind with no resolution.
I feel this way because I finished my book two weeks ago. I thought I was absolutely finished with it, edits and all. I had a mean, long list. A really good one. Comprehensive. And I felt so good for a few days. Utterly triumphant - it was bliss.
Now, I don't feel any bliss at all.
Now, I'm waking up thinking about how I should've taken that out, or added this in.
And it's not just silly stuff. I'm only rehashing the parts I had the most trouble with. The parts I was pleased with, I'm still pleased with. But the parts I fought my way through - apparently I only thought I was ready to say they were 'there' (wherever the hell that is).
I'm gonna give this a few more weeks to stew before I reread beginning to end - you know, just let things settle, so I don't make mistakes, swinging back and forth on what I think, and screwing my novel up in the process. I don't think it will take much, but I do have a yellow legal pad, and my notes are going on it as I tool along, thinking.
So, please forgive me if I need a little babysitting right now.
When you guys have written something, do you sometimes get this unfinished feeling running along inside you?
Thursday, March 12, 2009
I feel skittish.
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19 comments:
Yes, but in my case it's because it's actually unfinished. : )
I think you should leave it alone for a while. The whole thing. Wait at least a month before you reread anything.
Take a break, celebrate. Even if you don't feel like celebrating. Do something that brings a good feeling to you.
Every single time. I'd say more, but I'm not in a happy place right now. Freddie's right, you're right--hold off on looking at it again.
Stake in the ground, Rob. Look at it this way, as long as it's a work in progress, it's in a safe place -- you're in a safe place. It isn't "finished" so if there ARE weak spots or a wrong word choice, you have a fall back: "Oh, it's still a work in progress."
If you really declare it finished, you have to accept responsibility for all of it -- its flaws, if people don't like it, if it's rejected. A "finished" novel that isn't sold is scary because it doesn't have validation -- it's out there naked and alone. And it's yours.
Any book can be improved. Any piece of art made better. Any culinary dish spiced more perfectly. Yes, you want your ms to be edited, polished and tidy. Spend time with it, certainly. But at some point, you must, must call it finished.
At least until an agent or editor makes you go back and revise it yet again :o)
Give it time. Sit on it. Then read it again. Yeah, you'll find things you can improve, but taking it as a whole, is it ready?
I get in funks where I think I have absolutely no talent and my writing sucks. Then I go on highs where I'm in love with every word. Balance sure would be nice. ;-)
ALL the time! Don't panic.
Drink more wine.
From what I can gather, we're pretty much both at the same stage (in terms of our novels, of course. I win at suitability for being tossed to the alien hordes in the event of pan-galactic warfare).
Sometime over this weekend, I ought to cross the rubycon — which means, of course, I won't budge from my seat, but my manuscript will be devoid of redlined passages (currently 28) and 'look like a real book'.
Yippee.
Problem is — I just re-read chapter 3 and some of it is shite.
Now, I may be wrong here, but I suspect this is all because it's been written over a longish period of time. The final chapters (that I've written) are all more or less of a piece, but some of the earlier stuff now sticks out like unruly spears from the body of a dead cat.
So, I'm about to be finished. But not. And then what? One thing I do know is that if I keep grunting like this, the aliens will, indeed, find me.
So here's my plan. Get finished over the next few days. Send manuscript to betas. Chill. Collapse. Read Collapse II and re-collapse accordingly. Then allow myself one final tinker — and get cracking on project #2.
Oh, and wine.
Of course, if it was easy, everybody would be doing it...
The problem is, it's all subjective: there is no objective measure for "finished" when you're writing a story -- editing, doubly so. When you reach the end, you're really just beginning.
Sounds like it's time to write something else; even just a short story. If you've only got one toy to play with, you're liable to play with it 'til is worn out or broken.
I've heard that some authors have to have their MSs ripped from their hands to be sent to the publisher because there will always be tweaking to be done. I guess there's just a point where, like with kids, you just have to let them go. Mine are just not grown up enough for that.
I agree with Whirl, that when you write over a long period of time, as I also have done, sometimes there's a lack of cohesion between beginning and the end. I'm finding that now. The more recent stuff I've written is far better than the beginning of the book but if I go back and re-write again it'll never get finished. Maybe I should bake some of the bat fingernail pie of McK''s.
Anyhoo - what you're going through - perfectly normal. It's one of those marvelous bits of normality that contributes to the overall insanity of being a writer.
Sweetie, It's a beautiful book. Anything you are referring are minor edits that will be caught by a savvy agent or editor.
Have some wine. Let it sit. If you must come back to it, give it a few weeks, and tell yourself you're only going to tinker with it once----you don't want to mess up your voice.
THat last comment was from me... now I'm signed in properly.
While I'm here again, have a {hug}.
;-)
I have no idea about finishing books so all I can do is to send you hugs.
Read those last two comments just as my laptop battery faded.
Thought Chris & FH both said rugs.
Phew.
I'm with you all the way on this one, but no way am I posting my fucking carpet to the States...
Thanks, you all! I would say 'you have no idea how good it was', but I'm guessing you do, with your own places, to wake up and see these comments this morning!
I think my biggest frustration comes from thinking I had finished, that I had done the edits, period - you know - and then seeing (because my brain kept waking me up to them) that there was still more I wanted to do. But I know I'm not ready to be in that kind of far off objective-ish place yet.
And the not-ever-being-finished thing was not a good feeling, since I've been working on this, like some of you have, for upwards of two and a half years.
It's so damn hard to write, well, not to write, but to try to find a particular voice, and to hold it together, and to keep the plot thread running, even when it's purposefully subcutaneous, and to work hard to write well - and sometimes, ril, it does feel like everybody says they're writing a book - how do they 'all' do it? Damn.
Whirl, I agree - we're in the same place - I thought I was 'there' already, just slightly in front of your timeline - but only barely. Now, I don't know about that.
Anyway, thanks to you guys, I'm staying sane about it (or at least, not going all the way nuts. Not out loud, at least!)
I'll say more over the weekend, I have to run to work now.
Love you all.
Loosely connected from the feet up. Or the head down. Easily irritated. Fussy.
Halfway pissed off, and halfway sad. I feel like a funeral should've taken place, but it didn't, and here I sit, out in the wind with no resolution.
That's how I feel ALL the time. It's not so bad after a while.
Ditto what Chris said. It's a beautiful book. Give it time.
Hi, Robin. FairyHedgeHog sent me.
Just finished my book. Again. I had about 24-hours of elation. Now it's just like Phoenix said: I have no more excuses if it isn't right.
There's also this: Now that it's finished, if I don't do something with it, what was the point?
As to what to do next, go with what Freddie and Kiersten said. Give it a rest for a time.
Wait a month, Freddie? I know you're right, but I was thinking three days. That's agony.
... like a funeral should've taken place, but it didn't...
What a brilliant analogy. I know this feeling.
Personally, I think you should not let it sit and then reread it. I think you need to get it out into the world. My dear, you have unleashed two frighteningly capable young women on the world, and now it's time to see if your writing can be as successful. Stop tinkering, turn off the heat, take it off the stove, and serve it to the guests. See what they say. They just may love it as it is.
Then start writing something new.
*plops down on your blog with a bottle of white wine*
Now, honestly, that sounds like lack of confidence talking. I agree with Phoenix that there's a scary "this is the best I could do" feeling with declaring anything finished. I don't know what the answer is (except for more white wine, here, have another glass) but I do think that "as far as you can take this" could very well be true in a lot of different ways.
You will keep getting better and better - you talked about the initial chapters you wrote and how different they were from later chapters. That's going to keep happening - it has to. So you can hold onto that book forever, improving it as you improve, but does that really make sense? Or is it your springboard, the story so close to your heart that you had to get it out of the way in order to explore the rest of the world.
Also it's worth considering whether at this point an editor with a vested interest in selling it would make the best proofreader (there's enough wine here for him or her,too, no worries). If you keep touching it up, you never give that other person a chance to take a look.
Personally, I think you should sit here drinking virtual wine with me for the rest of the evening and then you should get up and start something new. You might eventually come back to this one but for the moment, let it go and give yourself a chance to explore.
Does reading bad writing cheer you up at all? If it does, then just read this and breathe a sigh of reliefthat at your roughest, you've never descended to the ultra-violet writing spectrum that he seems to inhabit.
Hi BT, I think that's what I'm havng trouble with - giving it time. I've had this novel's narrative running inside me since the summer of 2006, and it feels strange to have it separated now.
You're right- time is what I need to give myself, and the book.
Hi Bevie, Thanks! Nice to see you!
Sounds like you've had the same issues. At least now that I've seen your notes, and the others, I don't feel like I'm hanging out there in the wind alone (not that I ever felt it was me, me, and only me!)
Thank you, Pete. Truly.
I wonder, if most of it is pretty good but there are parts that don't appeal, would an agent read on? That's part of the reason I'm nervous. And, it's a long novel (you know I'm long-winded).
Sylvia, I had wine with you last night, in spirit! Hope you felt it.
I toasted you twice, girl.
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